If

If...




I've seen this on a few of blogs, and wanted to give it a whirl. :)



•If I were to get pregnant again: I would be so bummed. TOTALLY joking, if you read my blog at all you'd know I'd be ecstatic. We are working on it!


•If I could have any job in the world: I'd be a TV and Film Producer, Actress, and Screenwriter.


•If I had a day to myself: Wow, the thought of an entire day to myself gets me salivating. Do I get an endless supply of money with it? I'd get pampered, nails, hair, massage, facial and then go see back-to-back movies all by myself. Oh and maybe take a nap and do some shopping, this is an extra long day too, right?

•If I could get married all over again: I'd do it differently - new dress, new location, and pony up ALL my money on an expensive photographer.

•If I could live anywhere in the US I would live: In CA, or Mass, Vermont, or Upstate NY. Tough choice. Can I have houses in each state?


•If Carter would have been a girl he would have been named: Ava or Savannah (my top contenders at that time), but my baby girl name we've chosen for the future is Olivia. It was going to be baby girls name whom we lost in February, but we ended up naming her Rose. The only thing that bums me out is that Olivia is SO popular now-a-days. Andy is just so picky so it's hard to get him to agree upon names, but if I had my way, I'd probably name my future daughter Everly, but Andy has nixed it..


•If I could have any talent in the world: I'd love to be able to sing really, really well.


•If you met me in real life you would probably say: Well, I'd hope you'd say that I'm loving, kind, and have a big heart, and that I'm also super funny and ridiculously good looking, but I guess it would depend on the circumstances on how we meet. I think I make a decent first impression though..


•If I could go back to school: I'd study theatre and photography more.


•If money were not an object: We would buy our dream home with a huge backyard, I'd quit my job and write my screenplay and do a ton of extra work. I'd also try and make loads of babies and have a night nurse so I could handle it.


•If I could meet one celebrity I would probably want to meet: I've met a few celebrities, my favorite being Ryan Gosling, Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake (the first and third have both hugged me at one point in their lives,), it's a nice memory, sigh. But if I could meet somebody else, I'd love to meet Oprah or Jennifer Aniston. But I want them to be my BFF 4 eva.


•If I could only shop at one store for the rest of my life: It would totally be Target, they have everything I need there!


•If I got a pet (or another pet) it would be: So no pets currently, and no current plans (my two year-old is enough), but someday when we have a yard and Carter is older, I'd love a nice sweet dog that doesn't shed too much, likes to cuddle and is nice to babies. Oh - and one I will not have to clean up after or spend lots of money on, and one who preferably does not go to the bathroom, ever. Ha.


•If I could go on a trip, RIGHT NOW, I'd go: To the new Disney resort in Hawaii, Aulani, it sounds amazing.


•If I had to chose between a house cleaner and a personal chef: I'd go with a full-time house cleaner. We are lucky to have a house cleaner twice a month but it's just not enough. With both of us working full-time and the rest of our time is spent on our son, it's amazing we are able to keep our house looking semi-livable most of the time.


•If I had the option of plastic surgery I'd: I would consider getting a breast lift and small reduction, but I want to wait until I'm done having babies first.
 
If you do this too, link it up in the comments section. :)
 
 

Disneyland!

Oh man, I feel out of the blogging loop. It's been the craziest week of my life, but I would give anything just to re-live it. Where to start..

Last Wednesday we took Carter and my family visiting from Massachusetts to Disneyland as a pre-birthday celebration for Carter. My cousin's girlfriend's birthday was also the following day so we celebrated her birthday too. I love Disneyland but it's impossible to do everything during just one visit, the next time I go, I'd like to go for an entire weekend.

My cousin Bobby, his girlfriend (practically wife) and their baby boy Landon.

Landon has some gorgeous eyes!



In line for Nemo ride. Unfortunately Carter just didn't understand why we had to wait and had a little meltdown.




This is the birthday surprise given to Emily at Club 33. If you aren't familiar, Club 33 is a "secret" restaurant in Disneyland and is not open to the general public.
Thankfully we know a member so we had them make reservations for us. :)



Andy and I with my cousin and Emily.. My sister, new-guy-she's-dating Blake, my Aunt and the little ones couldn't come with, so we had a nice little adult lunch.

Disneyland had all of their Halloween decorations out. This is the Haunted Mansion, Carter loved it.

Landon is flying! (With Blake)



Carter goofing off with daddy in line.



That's about it. The rest of my week was filled with work, visiting family, and the insane party prep for Carter's 2nd Birthday. The party went well, and I'm still feeling the effects of it all, my poor feet are about to fall off. My cousins left today, but both of my grandmothers and my aunt are still visiting for another week. I have a feeling rest will not be an option until next week. But they should keep me occupied during my 2ww, right?

Tomorrow I'll post about Carter's Birthday, but for now, here is a teaser pic:

Hope today is the start of an amazing week for everyone!


 

Folli Check

Sorry I've been a little MIA this week, it's one of the craziest weeks ever. We spent yesterday at Disneyland with some family (pictures on that to follow), and I'm down to two days left before Carter's Birthday. Not to mention how much I'm behind on work this week by taking two days off. I won't bore you any longer with this insanity, but I wanted to give you a quick update on me.

I had a follicle check ultrasound this morning, and was told that I am "the poster child for a woman about to ovulate." So that is great news. My lining was 11mm, and I have a beautiful dominant follicle developing on my right ovary. It should be all ready for release in a couple of days, right on schedule. It's weird knowing this much about my body and my cycle, but it's also a bit empowering. I'm actually a little happy I'm so overwhelmed with other things at the moment so I don't have much time to obsess and stress about my cycle. I'm trying to take a more relaxed approach to all this business, while still charting (if that's possible?!). Taking my temperature every morning has become such a part of my routine that I don't even think twice about it anymore.

All in all, things are looking up. More updates to follow!

Xo.

One

Right now, my son is still a one year-old but in five short days that will all change. I'm going to savor these last five days when my baby is still one. When I think back to two years ago, I remember being almost 10 months pregnant, in moderate to intense pain on a daily basis, and so desperately wanting to meet my new baby boy. How life can change so quickly. I am here today, with my almost two-year old who runs around creating a path of destruction wherever he goes, and couldn't imagine a world without him in it.

Carter, you have an amazing zest for life and are an intensely curious little boy. You are constantly fascinated by how things work. You are funny, and kind with a big heart just like your momma.

I love you so much that it hurts.

The very first picture of Carter, ever. ^^

 

Movies

I started this post about random things I'm loving lately, and then I realized they were about movies, so it's going to be a post filled with random movie love.

- This picture of Michelle Williams as Marilyn Monroe shot by Annie Leibovitz. Michelle is starring in the new movie "My Week with Marilyn," as Marilyn Monroe and it looks breathtaking. I've always had an odd obsession with Marilyn Monroe as most people do, and I think Michelle really does her justice.
Does this picture inspire you as it does me?




Image found here.


-We watched the 2011 version of Jane Eyre last weekend and I fell in love with this movie and with Mr. Rochester played by Michael Fassbender. He is such a fascinating actor, I was transfixed to the screen. I'm dying to see Shame which just premiered at the Toronto Film Festival starring Michael Fassbender. I can't tell you why I loved Jane Eyre as much as I did. It's one of those movies that I didn't want to end and in my mind, the movie continues on and Mr. Rochester and Jane are still out there, in love. Sigh. Sometimes I see a movie, and I end up feeling inspired, touched, different in a way, and this was one of those films. Do movies do that to you too?

Image found here.

Michael Fassbender. Image found here.

-This movie comes out today, I Don't Know How She Does It. With the Mrs. SJP. As a working mom who almost never has free time, I think I can relate to this one. I hope it's as good as I want it to be. Now I just need a babysitter so I can go to the movie.

If you know me in real life, and you know me well, you would know that I love movies. I do. Growing up my walls were covered in movie posters, and I loved dreaming up movie ideas, writing scripts, acting. I've taken several screenwriting and acting classes throughout my life. There is a fire inside of us that ignites when we are passionate about something, and this is what does it for me. Lately, I'm having a harder time ignoring this fire and I'm itching to do something about it.

I have an insanely busy week ahead of me with out-of-town guests, Disneyland, Carter's Birthday and the million and one errands leading up to all of those. I will do my best to keep you all updated.

Xo.

Just some sweet moments captured via iPhone

All taken within the past week or two.

Carter and his birthday monkey given to him from our friend Laila.

Doggie jammies (aka Costco jammies!)

There he goes, telling me what to do again.

Just the cutest monster ever.

Lovely Saturday.

Bonding over breakfast with my love.

I'm in serious preparation mode for Carter's 2nd Birthday, it's a little more than a week away.
My cousin, his girlfriend, their 8 month-old son, my Aunt and my Nana will be in town from Massachusetts for the party. They happen to be in town the week of Carter's birthday all staying with my parents, they aren't flying out just for his birthday, but it's an added bonus. We're planning on going to Disneyland next week for a more personal celebration. I think Disneyland will be an entirely different experience now given his age and how much he's talking now. I can't wait to see his little face light up.

I'm shocked at how much he can say now, I can practically hold little conversations with him. We were asked the other day what words Carter can say now, and we sorta went, well what he doesn't say now might be a shorter list! He talks all the time. We also officially have a "time out" chair now. It's come to that. When he gets into trouble, I tell him to go sit in the time-out chair, and he goes. And then he pouts and asks me for a hug, so that's the point I cave and time-out ends. Sigh. I need to work on more than 1 minute time-outs, baby-steps people, baby-steps!

This weekend will be filled with cleaning and pampering to get ready for the visitors. Carter and I both need some serious hair maintenance.

Xo,

On grief

With the 10 year anniversary of September 11, 2001 passing us, and immersing myself in the TV specials and tributes, I heard something about grief that really resonated with me and I wanted to share.

One of the September 11th widows was asked about that age-old saying of "time heals all," and the interviewer asked her if it really did, and she said no. This is something I find myself saying often in regards to my loss. I often say to others in my similar situation that I wish I could tell you time heals, but it doesn't. Not that I'm comparing my loss to anyone who lost a loved one on September 11th, I've cried many tears for all of those lost on that day. I only found this grief reference comforting to me.

This particular widow referenced the Nicole Kidman movie "The Rabbit Hole" in regards to grief, and it rang true for me. She compared losing a loved one to having a brick in your pocket at all times. Some days it's all you can think about, some days it's not as noticeable and but in the end, it's always there.

Here is the entire except:

_____________

Becca (Nicole Kidman) has been numb with grief since Danny, her 4-year-old, was killed by a car. Now, eight months later, her mother, Nat (Dianne West) — whose son, Becca’s brother, died at 30 — is helping Becca to put away, finally, the little boy’s things.


Int. basement — day

Becca and Nat carry the milk crates of Danny’s stuff down to the basement, and put them in the corner with a few other things Becca has put aside.

Becca stands there, taking it in. Danny’s been reduced to a small corner of stuff in the basement. She lets out a breath, then turns to her mother.


BECCA: Does it ever go away?

NAT: What.

BECCA: This feeling.

They lock eyes. Nat can see she actually wants an answer. Maybe for the first time ever.

NAT: No. I don’t think it does. Not for me, it hasn’t. And that’s goin’ on 11 years.

(Beat)

It changes, though.

BECCA: How?

NAT: I don’t know. The weight of it, I guess. At some point it becomes bearable. It turns into something you can crawl out from under, and carry around — like a brick in your pocket. And you forget it every once in a while, but then you reach in for whatever reason and there it is: “Oh, right. That.” Which can be awful. But not all the time. Sometimes it’s kinda ... not that you like it exactly, but it’s what you have instead of your son, so you don’t wanna let go of it either. So you carry it around. And it doesn’t go away, which is ...

BECCA: What.

NAT: Fine ... actually.

___________

Andy and I watched this movie but I found it hard to watch and remember this scene although it sat differently with me this weekend when I heard it again. It is a good movie, but very, very depressing.

Just wanted to share ...

You are what you eat

And so much more.

Now that this crappy cycle has ended, I've been doing a lot of thinking about food and how it is affecting my fertility and this whole trying to conceive process.

I've read about how food can affect fertility before but didn't put too much thought into it. Recently, there were a number of signs that came to me, and I started to seriously think about what food choices were really doing to my body. This is not just about getting pregnant but really a change in the way I view food.

First off, check out this beautiful vibrant woman:

Picture here.

Want to guess how old she is? Could be as young as 35, but I'd give a good guess and say 40ish assuming she has really taken care of herself. And she has, but she isn't 40, or 45, or 50. This woman is 60, SIXTY, years-old.

Andy saw her on TV the other day, and quickly bought her book, "Healthy, Sexy, Happy." Yes, my husband has been faithfully carrying this book around the house and started insisting I read it too. I downloaded it on my iPad and began reading (and now I'm much farther into the book then he is).

It's basically all about getting back to eating food our bodies were designed to eat - lean meats, organic veggies, whole (or raw) milk, butter, cream, and avoiding anything processed, especially sugar, and soy (the devil). Did you know my son AND my husband drink a lot of soy milk? Yea, we stopping that. I'd read a lot of mixed reports on whether or not soy was harmful in the past but now we are officially done with the soy. We're moving Carter back on organic whole milk (real organic whole milk, not the generic "farmed" organic whole milk). His stomach had a hard time with it in our initial transition and that's why we turned to soy, Andy has been drinking soy milk for years as a former vegan so we always had it in our house. So far, no serious tummy issues for Carter to report. Soy milk can mess with Andy's "boys" too causing impotence, and Andy is now off the stuff too. Anyone need soy milk?

In the book, Nancy talks about how the chemicals that are in processed food are literally killing us, and instead of changing our diets we pop all kinds of medications to cure these ailments, which are also made of chemicals and just masking our symptoms and not fixing the problem. By the time we're 80, we are old, frail, in-pain and have serious health problems. Fertility is mentioned a lot in her book. Don't quote me, but I want to say we are 30% less "reproductive" than we were 100 years ago, maybe more.

My friend Amy happened to send me a link recently to another blogger who went on a fertility diet based off of Ancient Chinese Medicine and was able to conceive - very quickly. That peaked my interest.

And another blogger I follow, Andrea from In Her Shoes had long ago blogged about her struggle to conceive. You can read her story on her blog, but eventurally she was put on a diet of no grains (of ANY kind), no dairy (unless it was real, raw diary), and no processed foods. This was July of 2009, and by Sept. 09 she was pregnant with her son. Now she is pregnant with baby #2 (baby surprise!) and due in just a few weeks. Isn't that crazy? She didn't blog much about any of this at the time, but I sent her a message inquiring about what natural remedies and diet she had followed that led to her pregnancy. Within a few hours of my message she posted about her experience (and I believe it was just coincidental because she said her doctors appointment that day had inspired her to write about her experience).

Maybe God is sending me signs and showing me the path I need to take?

I also bought this book and I love it so far.

Recommended to me by someone else, and it also delves into food and how it affects our fertility. I love this book!

It's easy to turn a blind eye to what we're eating, especially when we're busy and don't have much time to think about it all - plus, everyone else eats this way, right? There's always a long line a McDonald's on Saturday mornings, so who cares if I do that too? 

I know we are not the worst family in the world. I try to cook often, incorporate fresh veggies into every meal, frequent the farmers market, but we could be better. It really scares me how many chemicals really are lurking in our foods, especially meat so I'm going as organic as I possibly can when I can. I just won't beat myself up over it all the time, but it' a good start. It's only been two days but I have had zero refined carbs (just some organic oatmeal for breakfast, still bad, and an organic sweet potato for dinner, allowed), and I've had very minimal sugar, almost none.

Even if it doesn't help my fertility, it's still a good lifestyle change.

Happy Saturday!

Fall & Winter Porn

I am so ready for fall! It's my favorite time of the year. I ♥ the crispness of the air, cute sweaters, pretty leaves, Halloween, pumpkin spice everything, Christmas music, family, winter nights, hot cocoa, Thanksgiving, pumpkin patches, wreaths, holiday cards, shopping, xmas lights, orange, red and yellow trees, baking cookies, and my favorite of all, Christmas.

I'm getting all hot and bothered now just thinking about it. I wish we could just get a little bit of snow here. I can dream, can't I?

I would LOVE to rent a cabin this holiday season up in Lake Arrowhead and spend a weekend with friends, doesn't that sound divine? Who's in?

If you love fall as much as I do, feast your eyes on this lovely collection of pictures I'm calling fall & winter porn. You'll thank me later.

Image found here.

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Now didn't that get you all excited, or is it just me?


Come on fall!