The Birth of Olivia Lenora

You guys, she's amazing. I'm kind of in awe of her, and I could lay around all day just staring at this precious baby girl.

I still can't believe she's here and healthy. I'm still overwhelmed by this. The entire pregnancy I felt like I had a dark cloud over my head and couldn't actually believe that it was going to result in a healthy baby. A girl baby. A GEMINI baby. A baby that looks just like me. But it did. And she does. I would walk around her nursery and think about what I was going to do with all of her things if or when something happened. If I wouldn't feel her kick for an hour or so I would instantly start thinking the worst. It was awful, and I couldn't control my thoughts or feelings about this.

Also, she's SO FREAKIN easy! I didn't know babies like this existed, or maybe I didn't realize just how difficult Carter was until I had Olivia. I'm hoping to blog about this later. They are so different! There are so many posts I want to write this summer, but for now I'm going to share with you Olivia's birth story.

Olivia and I the day after she was born

As I've mentioned before, we decided on a repeat c-section rather than try for a vbac. I really wanted to have a vbac, but the more I thought about my first birth experience and emergency c-section, the more I realized I was NOT interested in trying for a vbac. My overall c-section experience the first time around wasn't really bad at all. In fact, I'd say it was a pretty good experience. I've come to terms with the fact that I may not ever experience a vaginal birth, and I am totally okay with this. This doesn't make my mommy card any less valid, and my kids are both healthy and happy. I really give two shits about how they got here. After talking to my husband at length about the topic, we decided to go for the planned c- section. I'm really happy with our decision and have no regrets about it, so far.

I went in at 8am on June 11th for what was supposed to be a 10 am c-section, only to find out that my doctors office had rescheduled me for 12:30 and someone failed to let me know. I love my doctor's office and knew two hours of waiting wasn't a huge deal so we decided to stay and wait rather than drive home just to sit on the couch and think about all the foods I couldn't eat (I had to fast) only to drive back an hour later. Noon rolled around and our nurse came in with more bad news. A woman expecting twins came in after her water had broken and was 3 cm's dilated so they needed to bump our c-section for hers. What can you do? We had to wait another 2 1/2 hours, but the time passed pretty quickly, and I was all that more eager to get the show on the road.

Nerves eventually started to settle in and all kinds of thoughts started to race through my mind. I begun second guessing my decision as the reality was hitting that I was about to have major surgery, and I started to worry about all of the "what ifs." It was nice going into it with a clear head (and let's be honest, a face full of make-up) but it also made my anxiety level go up a notch because I was more aware of what was about to happen, and had a lot more time to process it all.

Around 2:30 pm, it was go time. I chose to have one of my very best friends (Roxanne) in the room to photograph the birth for us, and she's also really into gross gory things and wanted to watch. Truth. Roxanne and Andy stayed behind in the room and put their scrubs on while I made the walk to the O.R. to start the surgery prep. Funny story, right before I left, the doctor made sure to tell Andy and Roxanne to leave their clothes on under their scrubs. Apparently, someone once removed all of their clothing before putting on the scrubs. We were in hysterics picturing a dad-to-be walking down the hallway nakie in see through scrubs. They use clear white scrubs there! Seriously.

The hardest part of the experience was getting the spinal. It was painful going in, and feeling my legs go completely numb in seconds weirded me out. I remember trying to wiggle my toes with all my might and it was such a freaky feeling not being able to. I started to get really emotional while being prepped and I knew once my husband came in, I was going to lose it, and I did. As soon as I saw him, I couldn't control myself, but he did his best to calm me down.

I don't remember much after that, it went by pretty quickly and within minutes she was born. She cried before we even realized she was out, and within minutes she was all mine.

It took about 45 minutes to get me stitched up, and into my recovery room. I was able to nurse Olivia within an hour of her being born, and she latched immediately.

Recovery wise, I'm healing but still dealing with some pain. I have my good days and bad days, but for the most part I'm feeling great.

Everything was such a whirlwind the first time around but this time I was able to stop and savor every minute of our birth experience (even the c-section!) and our hospital stay.

Carter holding his baby sis for the very first time

My "you just got cut open" present

My amazing OB

Impromptu hospital photo shoot

Napping in my hospital bed. I swear they just did this!!

Going home outfit

On our way home!

I feel so much more confident this time around in every aspect. Being a mom of two is not that bad (for us). Going from none to one was really hard. Going from one to two? Didn't change much. We had our difficult baby first. Carter was colicky and didn't sleep more than 45 minutes at a time for the first few months. It was beyond exhausting.  Yes, I'm up every 2-3 hours, but Olivia is a dream compared to Carter. More on this later!

Things I love Thursday..

Sooo, I didn't really find anything I loved this week for this post. It's been one of those insanely busy, dramatic, awful weeks. Work is SO stressful. Almost every call I take (if I take it) is an apology for my lack of responsiveness. Ugh. But my home life is good. I work for the weekends, and for the weeknights when I get to be Mom. :)

I did find one thing this week I loved, this interesting perspective on natural birth vs epidural birth.

While I'm not pregnant, I do think about what I want to do differently with my birthing experience the next opportunity I have. Personally, I don't think natural births are best for baby and mother. But I don't think they aren't best for baby and mother. See, I think using the word best insinuates that someone having a medicated birth would in anyway want to do something that wasn't best for their child. I always want what is best for my child, and I had an epidural (and then a c-section). It's hurtful to think that I would do something intentionally that wasn't in the best interest of my child. My child means the world to me. I just think it's a super personal decision based on your own circumstances coupled with the fact that pain effects everyone very differently. What's best for you, is up to you. I don't think there is any right way, it is universal to everyone.

I don't regret my birthing experience one bit, but having been through what I have, and knowing what I know, I do want to do things differently the next time around (if I'm given the chance, please God!). I've decided that I'm not going to schedule a c-section just because I've already had one even though VBAC's are risky. While, I wouldn't be devastated if I had another c-section, I want more than two babies and can't bear to think of having 2, 3 or more c-sections! I'd like to try for a VBAC and if it doesn't go as planned, then yes, I'll have a repeat cesarean. My mom had a VBAC with her 2nd child, and she was very insistent about it. She ended up having the first VBAC in Ventura County (where my sister was born) in 1985. She had the first VBAC ever at that hospital!

Also, unless 100% medically necessary, I'd probably not do the induction route again either. Yes there were medical reasons to why I needed to be induced, but I was naive and didn't insist we wait it out as they weren't life threatening reasons and it was my decision to go forward with it. I was anxious, in pain, tired and 9 months pregnant. If I'm overdue, then I would go the repeat c-section route rather than induction as I'd rather do a c-section than go through another failed induction. I want to be alert, happy, and comfortable when I bring another baby in this world. Not miserable, starving and tired. By the time Carter was actually born, I could have given birth to a Ilama and I wouldn't have cared.

The first time I held Carter. About 5 seconds later I said, "Umm okay, I'm going to drop him now so please take him."

Someday I'll actually write out Carter's birth story for you.

But anyways, just my two cents. And that's not to say I might have a completely different opinion when the time comes around to do this again. I think I've forgotten what it's like to be 10 months pregnant. Haha.

I don't judge anyone else for their choices as I hope not to be judged for mine. This is a super personal decision, to each his own.

And that's not to say that I'm not fascinated in natural birth and birth in general. I watched 'The Business of Being Born' at least 5 times while I was pregnant and at one point Andy started to want me to have a home water birth. Yea, that didn't happen.

I'm equally excited for 'More Business of Being Born' which should be out in October, and they totally delve into the VBAC world and feature celebrities! Woop Woop. I have quite the obsession with TTC, pregnancy, birth, and babies these days; I don't see that changing anytime soon.

Happy almost Friday all!