Friday, April 15, 2011

And so it is..

Well once again it has been forever since I've posted. There is too much to say but too little words. I miscarried around Valentine's Day at almost 14 weeks. There is no reason, no sense, and no explanation, I can only think that there is something different in store for me and this was meant to be a part of my life, maybe someday I know why. And maybe not. We did find out the baby was a girl and we named her Rose in a quick suggestion that has since turned into her official name. I thought the name was sweet and appropriate because we lost her around Valentine's Day. My doctors appointment was scheduled for Valentine's Day, but for no real reason I asked to change it to the day after as if I knew.

I'm ok for the most part. I still get emotional thinking about it. I'm still perplexed why some people close to me became distant and hurtful afterwards. But I'm trying to remind myself that their behavior is not about me. And it's hard to do. I can't control what happened but I can control how I feel about it and I'm choosing to feel at peace about it. I'm content with where I'm at in my life right now. I'm open to what this will bring for me in the future and am trusting that there is meaning in all of it.

As for trying again, we originally decided not to, but now we've decided not to prevent either and go with it. I'm not tracking anything (and let's be honest, there is very little time for baby makin with an 18 month old that sleeps in your bed), but we will see what happens. What will be, will be. And that is ok with me. If it doesn't happen towards the end of the year, I might track again and I might not. And that's ok!

There is a lot going on elsewhere in my life too! Laura is getting married next month, her bachelorette is next weekend, and my 28th birthday is coming up on May 28th. Twenty-Eight is only my absolute favorite number ever and I have to believe that this will be one of the best years yet for me! I just *know* it.

Carter is doing amazingly. He is at the best age I've experienced yet. He's hilarious, goofy, and so adorable it hurts to look at him sometimes. Easter is next Sunday and we're planning a fun photo shoot tomorrow while doing an Easter Egg hunt. Andy and I just returned from Chicago yesterday for business and had a wonderful 3 days together just the two of us. Although we missed Carter a lot, it was a much needed break.

Our 2 year wedding anniversary is also coming up on Monday but we prematurely celebrated in Chicago our first night at Ruth's Chris, and I'm sure we'll do something just the three of us on Monday. :)

Life ain't bad.