Sad day

Today was my due date. And I'm not in a hospital or home with a newborn. I'm at work. Not pregnant as life is dragging on.

I can't BELIEVE how time flies. It feels like yesterday.

I wrote this letter to my baby girl, and I went back and forth on whether I should share it with you or keep it personal. I decided to share it, so here goes:



August 16,2011




Dear Rose,

This is a really hard letter for me to write. Today should have been your birthday, and even though you were taken from us way too soon, I still wanted to take the time to write to you today.

I want you to know that I love you very much. Sometimes I’m amazed at how much love I have for you and how much your loss has affected my life. I never knew I could feel this way over my unborn child, but I do and that will never change. I think about you every day and I miss you a lot.

I wonder if you would have looked just like your brother with blond hair and bright blue eyes, or if you would have looked more like me with dark brown hair and brown eyes. I wonder what it would have been like to hold you, and rock you to sleep.

I really believe that we will meet again. I hold on to hope that you are watching over your family and protecting us all, especially your brother.

Some days are really hard for me, like today. Today is really hard. I shed a lot of tears in your memory. It all still feels like a bad dream or a roller coaster I can never get off.

I look at pictures of myself before this happened to me and wish for that innocence back. I don't want to know what it's like to have gone through such loss, but then again I would have never had you.

I wish I could hold you, kiss you, and snuggle you in person. I know someday I will be able to.

I find comfort in knowing that I will always be your mother and you will always be my daughter no matter what happens on this earth.

I love you.

I miss you.



Mommy