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Thursday, November 3, 2011

First Ultrasound

Today was the big day for us, and my nerves were at an all time high. Seeing as the last ultrasound I had to check on my growing baby resulted in no heartbeat (in February), I couldn't bear the thought of laying on that table while the tech searched for a heartbeat. I wanted to burst into tears just walking into the room.

But, I lived through it and everything looked great! The baby had a "very strong" heartbeat at 160 bpm, and the flicker was clearly there. It took the tech a minute to get there, he casually showed me my uterus, the gestational sac, etc and all I could think about was get to the baby, get to the baby! He even gave us a DVD of the ultrasound to take home. Neaat.

Now, based on my LMP, I should have been 7 weeks 6 days today however I was charting and I knew I ovulated two days late. I was expecting the baby to possibly measure 2 days behind because of this, but the baby was measuring 4 days behind, at 7 weeks 2 days. The tech wasn't concerned at all and said all babies grow at a different rate and I probably ovulated / implanted later than I thought. I know I definitely ovulated two days late, so the baby is only measuring two days behind this and the tech acted as if it was nothing to be remotely concerned about so I'm trying not to be. The good news is that we have a strong heartbeat and the baby looks great so far (just one!). My next ultrasound is not until Dec. 1st when I'll be getting my 1st Trimester screen around 12 weeks. I don't know how I'll manage until then, but I'll find a way.

For some reason, I just want to burst into tears. I know it's probably the hormones, and I can't tell if they are happy tears or nervous tears, but I just want to cry. I can't emotionally handle losing another baby. I just can't. Pregnancy after loss is so different (and I'm sure those pregnant after dealing with infertility feel similar). I'm going to go home tonight and pop the DVD of the ultrasound in my computer and just cry. I need to let it all out.

We are so thrilled about this pregnancy and I am trying to manage my fears daily. Each day that passes, it gets better and I know in another month or so I will let all the nerves go. I am happy I had a good appointment. I am grateful I am here. I am grateful we have a strong little baby bean growing inside me right now. And that is all I can possibly ask for.


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6 comments:

Wendy L. Callahan said...

CONGRATULATIONS! I'm so excited for you, cousin! Your strong emotions make perfect sense. Keeping you and the baby bean in my thoughts. ^.^

RedusRN said...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Amy said...

Yay! So exciting! Stay positive!!

Kirsten @ Mushki Loves said...

I know exactly how you feel!
When you have had a loss. it is a constant worry...CONGRATULATIONS! I'm very happy for you!

Sheri said...

I just found your miscarriage story on faces of loss. It is so similar to mine, only I was about 22 weeks and having a little boy. Thank you for sharing it! It is nice to know there are others that can sympathize. I'm thrilled for you that you are starting another pregnancy! You are strong. I'm not quite ready to climb that mountain yet. I will pray for you and hope that you receive the miracle that is a new baby! Congratulations!!!

Lauren West said...

Soooo happy your appointment went well!! Can't wait to meet that sweet baby! :) xo