Sunday, October 17, 2010

Halloweenie things

Ok, I get it. I'm a horrible blogger. It isn't meant to be. So I'm taking the pressure off myself. I DON'T need to do this all the time; I'm gonna allow myself to blog wheneverthehelliwant. Now I don't have to feel guilty about not doing it, or guilty if it has been months in between.

I've been feeling alone lately. I don't know why. I have a wonderful husband, an amazing little man who turned 1 by the way, and some pretty great family and friends. But I'm feeling a little lonely. I realize most of my friends don't have children and I'm starting to really noticed how
alienated I am. I'm never invited anywhere anymore and I don't know how to feel about it. I know I couldn't or wouldn't go in most cases, but I want to feel wanted and to feel invited places.
I'm 27 and I know I shouldn't take these things personally, but I am and I do. I'm noticing how I've been the "initiator" in most of my friendships with people, and when I stop initiating, those relationship's slowly disintegrate. I don't have the time to make plans with people anymore. I can't go have drinks last minute, or do a weekend girls get-away. I have a
little man who I love more than anything on the face of the planet, and I can't wait for my friends to have children so we can get together and do play-dates, but for now I'm just feeling a bit left out, but I'm making peace with it. It's a part of life. I have a really good group of close girlfriends who will always be in my life no matter what, but its hard being the only one with kids. I just can't do the same things as them anymore and sometimes I feel like I'm missing out. Obviously, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

On another note, I can't stop thinking about how badly I want to have another child. We really want to wait to start trying until next April or May, but I don't know if I can wait. I miss the whole process of having a child. The excitement, the pregnancy, and all the baby-mania that comes along with it. And I miss having a teensy tiny little newborn that I can hold and rock and love. But it's a lot of work, and having two little ones is going to mucho difficult and mucho expensive. I am determined to have 2 close in age, so what is the difference of doing it now versus later?? I've already been obsessing with everything TTC so I don't know how long I'll last. For now, I'm enjoying watching Carter progress everyday.

We took Carter to a Pumpkin Festival yesterday and it was so amazing to see him take it all in. He was sleeping when we arrived and once he awoke, he was so excited and enthralled with all the people, decorations, and music. He kept pointing and saying "Woooowww." I love seeing him so excited and I am looking forward to all the neat things we can do with him. We had a wonderful day together with my mom and took lots of pictures:

It was a perfect fall day, or as fall as you can get in Southern California. Still trying to decide what to dress him as for Halloween. We'll probably go shopping next weekend and pick something out.
Work has been all-consuming for me lately, and
my mind is rarely not on my job and what I have to do there. I'm only one person and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with what I have to do. But I've just got to keep on swimming, keeping on swimming.

Hopefully I'll be able to post about Carter's First Birthday soon and get some pictures up.

Got another busy week beginning tomorrow. G'night all!