Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Sad day

Today was my due date. And I'm not in a hospital or home with a newborn. I'm at work. Not pregnant as life is dragging on.

I can't BELIEVE how time flies. It feels like yesterday.

I wrote this letter to my baby girl, and I went back and forth on whether I should share it with you or keep it personal. I decided to share it, so here goes:

August 16,2011

Dear Rose,

This is a really hard letter for me to write. Today should have been your birthday, and even though you were taken from us way too soon, I still wanted to take the time to write to you today.

I want you to know that I love you very much. Sometimes I’m amazed at how much love I have for you and how much your loss has affected my life. I never knew I could feel this way over my unborn child, but I do and that will never change. I think about you every day and I miss you a lot.

I wonder if you would have looked just like your brother with blond hair and bright blue eyes, or if you would have looked more like me with dark brown hair and brown eyes. I wonder what it would have been like to hold you, and rock you to sleep.

I really believe that we will meet again. I hold on to hope that you are watching over your family and protecting us all, especially your brother.

Some days are really hard for me, like today. Today is really hard. I shed a lot of tears in your memory. It all still feels like a bad dream or a roller coaster I can never get off.

I look at pictures of myself before this happened to me and wish for that innocence back. I don't want to know what it's like to have gone through such loss, but then again I would have never had you.

I wish I could hold you, kiss you, and snuggle you in person. I know someday I will be able to.

I find comfort in knowing that I will always be your mother and you will always be my daughter no matter what happens on this earth.

I love you.

I miss you.



~R said...

What a beautiful letter!!! I know that today has to be so hard for you! My due date (9/28) is fast approaching and I sit here wondering what that day will be like. I still can't believe time has gone by so fast and that my life has changed so much. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I pray especially that your rainbow baby will be on the way soon!

RedusRN said...

My story is almost exactly like yours. Only difference was that I didn't find out our baby had passed until I was 17 weeks. We were scheduled for our gender ultrasound the following week. Our baby was 14 weeks when he/she passed. I was scheduled to induce this Thursday. I'm really glad I found your blog...this is a hard week for both of us...hope you can spend your day focusing on your little boy, and remember the women who can't have children. That's how I plan to get through my sad day. Good luck with your journey. Thanks for sharing your story.

Lauren said...

I feel for you and am thinking about you on this incredibly difficult day. Your letter brought tears to my eyes...

Bianca Martino said...

I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. My heart ached as I read your letter. My heart and thoughts are with you today. No one can understand how painful the loss of a baby can be. Mourn this time, but know and believe in your heart you are still meant to be a mommy again.
sending you love,

Andy said...

Love you babe and our little Rose too.