Friday, August 5, 2011

WTF: Vent

When I was expecting Rose, Andy had told our Daycare provider that we were expecting and she offered to put a spot on hold for our future little one. Well, a few months later, Andy let her know that I lost the baby and we would no longer need the spot. The morning after she was told, I went to pick up Carter and she made some comment to me about how "miscarriages are for the best" and it "was a good thing." I don't remember exactly what she said, it was definitely more than that, but I know I was offended by it. At the time, I was glad I could let it roll off of me, and I knew other people wouldn't have been so forgiving.

I haven't talked to her since about pregnancy or our loss, I usually pick up Carter and run out the door. I don't like to make small talk like some of the other moms. It's just not my thing to make fake conversation.

So yesterday I go to pick up Carter and as I am getting his things, she says to me "You're going to have one of these soon!" referring to an infant on her lap. Umm. Wha?

First of all, I would have had one of those soon, in about 11 days to be exact if I had not lost our baby, so thank you for the painful reminder. She knew I was due in August.

Second of all, I am not pregnant, so are you implying that you think I'm pregnant and just not telling you? Do you think I look pregnant so you're trying to call me out?

Or do you realize I'm not pregnant, but you're just trying to tell me that I'm going to have a baby soon as some sort of motivation? Don't you realize that I would love to be having a baby soon, and if I'm not, maybe we're trying but it's not happening?

Thanks for reminding me that I lost my baby that was due this month, and that I'm still not pregnant after trying for several months.

I was taken back and quickly said "hopefully!" in response, to which she laughed and repeated "haha, hopefully!" That only made it worse. Did she laugh at my hopefully because she thinks I'm pregnant and thought I was making a joke?
I don't get it.

I don't know what her intent was with that comment, but I'm sure she only had good intentions so I'm going to take it as that. At the time I was a little confused and hurt by her comment.

This was one of those situations that you wish you were verbally prepared for and you go over all the things you wish you said later.

I wish I said, "I'm not pregnant but we are trying." That would have shut her up, maybe would have made her feel a bit bad and not say something again. Or it would have let her know that I am not pregnant if for some reason she was thinking I was.

Thanks for the vent!


Jessica@Drops of Motherhood said...

Wow, I can't believe some people. I am so sorry that someone thought of your & Andy's loss as humor to themselves.

Wendy said...

How insensitive. I'd hate to think that she totally blanked on your loss, and thought you were still pregnant. *hugs*